Okay…here’s the thing. My friend, Mike, knows I hate these things. Oh yeah…and I know he hates them.
Why…then why would he fall prey to one of these insipid Internet lists? And why…tell me, God, why would he not only inflict it upon me, his supposed friend, but then announce to the world that I was one of the most likely candidates to respond to the f@cking thing!
Because he knows me better than I know myself.
And he knows that as the thing sat in my inbox, it would eat at me like acid, eventually exposing my guilt-ridden underbelly.
He knew I would cry uncle. It was only a matter of time.
Michael…you devil, you.
Okay…no more drama. Vote Obama.
Here’s the deal. You don’t gotta send this thing to anyone. If you’re up for it, though, show yourself, OLU readers (both of you!). Cut and paste the questions below, delete my answers, and put in your own.
We wanna get to know you! According to my friend’s email, "The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who know you."
For now, here’s my answers.
Four jobs I have had in my life
1. Grill Master and Drive-thru Wizard at Wendy’s Old Fashioned Burgers
2. City Maintenance Worker, where I painted all the fire hydrants and babysat the city sewage plant in Isanti, MN one summer
3. Salesperson and Store Manager at Radio Shack
4. General Manager for a chain of Black Hills Gold jewelry stores (even though I have never been to the Black Hills)
Four movies I’ve watched more than once
1. Planet of the Apes (the real one)
2 The Commitments
3. The Dukes of Hazzard (against my will)
4. The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari
Four places I have lived
1. Los Angeles, CA
2. Las Cruces, NM
3 Sierra Vista, AZ
4. In my car
Four places I’d like to live
1. St. Petersburg, FL
2. Loreto, Mexico
3. New York, NY (Manhattan or Brooklyn)
4. Moonbase Alpha before the big, nasty explosion that sent it hurtling away from Earth at apparent FTL speed
Four places I have been
1. La Paz, Mexico, gawking at a too-fresh-for-comfort skeletal arm that washed up on the beach
2. On a late-night Central Park carriage ride with my baby
3. Hanging in a near-deserted pub with my Canuck "brother", Pigger, in Thunder Bay, ON, unexpectedly tossing back more Labatts than we could count with The Beautiful Girls
4. Perched in scaffolding, 10 feet directly above Prince’s head for two hours (I coulda hocked a loogey, but I demonstrated incredible restraint)
People who e-mail me
1. Dean Hyers
2. Pete Machalek
4. Scores of people who are quite concerned about my penis size and sexual endurance
1. Eggs–especially my pickled ones… Mmmm..!
2. Chipotle burritos
3. Robbye’s lentil spaghetti
4. Peanut butter slathered on pretty much anything
Four places I’d rather be right now
1. The Madeira Beach cottage
2. London, England
3. An eco-resort on the Virgin Islands
4. Snuggling in bed with my wife
Four friends I think will respond
Four things I am looking forward to this year
1. A week off bumming around somewhere with Robbye
2. Selling another script
3. FINALLY, MAYBE getting to see Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse
4. Speaking in Seattle later this month and in LA in June
Four T.V. Shows that I watch
1. Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations
3. Battlestar Galactica (the new one)
4. ("Who wants a..!") Clean House (Official Member, Miss Niece Fan Club. Mmmm Hmmm!)
Now, do you know me better?
And…are ya satisfied, Mike? [wink]