Universe! O! Universe!

Why doth thou taunt me so?

Yesterday afternoon. I’m hanging out at Barnes & Noble, taking a short break from the animal madness of the household (read: Let me out! Feed me kibble! Rub my belly! Give me water! Let me in! Scratch my butt!) and getting some much-needed work done. Two large Diet Pepsis into the experience, and I’m ready to check out the facilities.

I walk in and set myself up in front of the urinal, when what do I hear coming from the damned stall next to me..?

“Uh…yeah.”

Buzz, buzz, jibber, jibber.

“No. I’m at Barnes & Noble. …In the bathroom.”

Jibber, jabber, jibber.

“Yeah. I’m talking to you, and I’m on the toilet.

Jibber, jabber, jabber, jabber.

“Well, you called.”

I ball up my free hand and shake it at the heavens. I finish up, wash, and walk out.

And as I’m leaving, the son of a bitch is still on the freakin’ phone!

Doesn’t he know what can happen?!?

Oh, no. That’s not it. Is it?

It’s cell phone karma. And the Universe? It’s just turning the screws.

In the drink

No two ways about it…Thursday was a shitty day.

Forget what I wrote about last Wednesday. Well, at least the part about answering my phone. The other stuff is still firmly intact.

If you try to call me on my cell, you will be immediately routed to my voice mail. I will not answer. Or, more applicable, CANNOT answer.

Why, you may ask? Because my cell phone is no longer functioning, I say.

OlurrromWhy, you may ask? I hang my head in shame.

Because. I. Dropped. It. In…the…toilet.

Yes. It’s a true story.

Robbye had a chiro appointment Thursday morning. With no coffee in the house, we decided to grab a cuppa joe at a Dunn Bros. near the chiro office. Innocent enough, right?

So Rob heads off to her appointment, and I stick around Dunns to work for awhile. Still fine. And after a hour or so of tapping away, well…nature calls. I know Rob’s due to resurface soon, so I grab my phone and take it with me to the restroom. ‘Cause I’m thinking, what if she needs to get ahold of me. And…you know, er…this could take awhile. ‘Nuff said.

I’m on the throne, and everything’s just hunky-dory. And then I reach over to, uh…obtain a section of tissue. Next thing I know, there’s this sliding feeling against my belly and then a splashy “ploomp!”

I realize exactly what’s happening in real time. Basically, a few days prior, the pocket on the front of my Woodstock Film Festival hoody ripped. When I bent forward, my phone slid around inside of the pocket. With the stitching gone, there was no barrier to stop the thing when it hit the seam. And it just kept on a-sliding.

There’s no time to react. All I can do is groan. My soul deflates.

And my freakin’ cell phone, with every business and personal contact number to my name (I am not very good at backing the information up in, like, a spreadsheet or something…you know, like a responsible person), is submerged. And the lone path to rescuing it is of the Andy Dufresne variety.

Shit. Literally. What am I gonna do?

Well, I certainly can’t flush. That would send the phone on a “let’s clog the Dunn Bros. plumbing and cause hundreds of dollars in damage” journey. I have no choice but to roll up my damned sleeve, reach in, and retrieve the thing. And fast! If there’s any chance of saving it, that is.

So I do it. I will spare you the crappy details, if you will.

I pull it out and it’s dripping wet, but the display’s still working, so I take that as a good sign. Yet, as I hold it, I can just feel the E. Coli running riot over the thing. I gotta, like, rinse it off at least. More appropriately, probably dunk it in bleach. Ack!

I opt for the rinsing. I take the phone over to the sink and, as gingerly as possible, try to rinse it off without causing further damage. Then I remove the back cover, take out the battery, and try to dry off the insides.

When I put the battery back in…nothing. The phone is dead.

All together now…heavy sigh.

I was laid low the rest of the day. Thank God for my wonderful wife. Moved by my dropping countenance, my shuffling step, and my sad puppy eyes, she stopped my the World Market and brought me home a healing surprise. Behold, the power of Skullsplitter.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do now. The phone was acting up, anyway, and I kept saying that one day I was going to return it to Samsung for a replacement. I wonder if they’d accept it now? If not, I suggested to Robbye this morning that it might be a good time for me to consider an iPhone.

That landed like a lead balloon.

“So Crates” in-the-making

I’m in the middle of a meeting yesterday, and my cell phone rings. I am trying to turn over a new leaf, so I am working very hard to, you know, like, answer it. And I see that it’s my daughter, Sydney, on the other end. We’ve been trying hard to wrangle a few loose ends on the financial aid front, so I excuse myself momentarily to take her call.

“Hey, Syd. What’s up?”

“Hey, Dad. …I don’t know. I’m sitting here with a moment to myself, and I wanted to bounce something off you.”

“Shoot,” says I, thinking it’s the kind of “bounce this off you” that takes a minute or so. It ain’t. But it’s all good. Quite cool, in fact.

She tells me that she’s considering a double major in political science (which she’s already declared) and, of all things, philosophy. She’s taking this class–a survey course of sorts, I am guessing–and it seems like the scholarly heavens are opening up to her.

I see it clearly. The depth of her conversation over the course of recent months–even in short bursts via phone–is obviously deeper. It’s nuanced and intriguing. And the information she’s taking in, she’s processing and then generating whole new ideas and connections and opinions.

Seeing this transformation makes my heart sing.

And then there’s the matter of…

“I’ve always thought that you’re a born philosopher,” I say after she lays it all out before me.

“Well,” she responds. “I would say more that I’ve been raised to be a philospher. After all, I am your daughter, Dad.”

I gotta tell ya, standing in the middle of a public place at that moment was a difficult proposition. ‘Cause my heart was suddenly in my throat.

“Yeah,” I reply, my cool only marginally intact. “There is that.”

“I still want to do law school, but it seems like there’s a really close relationship between political science and philosphy. I have my philosophy class right after my political science class, and I notice how a lot of the terms and concepts are almost identical. I’m thinking that it might be a good thing. Make me more well-rounded.”

My little girl. All grown up. Blossoming into quite the amazing young woman.

She asked me if I thought it was a good idea to explore the whole philosphy angle.

Let’s see…Sydcomicmy kid’s in college and actually taking to heart the whole “higher learning, expand your horizons” aspect of the experience, as opposed to merely marking time till the paper mill spits some empty and meaningless document at her.

Yeah, kiddo, I think it’s a good idea.

And I am proud–oh, so proud–to be your dad.

David Frost, eat yer heart out!

What a cool day. As part of my new commentator gig for filmcatcher.com, FilmcatcherI was covering the Austin Film Festival. This much we know, right? During that time, I was trying to catch some interviews with some industry folks to post them on the my filmcatcher blog, The Runaway Screenwriter.

Well…let’s just say that I was…er…not exactly prepared. I don’t know where my proverbial shit was, but it sure wasn’t…you know…together. Well, that, and I really had no idea how to make the whole interview thang work.

I thought about buying a recorder, but then I’d have to transcribe each damn conversation. Like I had time. I barely had a minute to take dump, much less sit at a keyboard for, like, six hours a day trying figure out if the guy said “the business is in a period of evolution” or “the bees whiz in a periodontal solution.”

So I made the tough choice: become transcribing bee-otch in Hell or schmooze and drink (for free, I might add) at the AFF’s cornucopia of parties. It was a tough call.

That said, I really like Karl Williams. He was one of my favorite folks. As I mention below, I had the pleasure of sitting on a couple of panels with him. He is one of the most real, lucid, and intelligent cats I have met in the business. And he’s simply good people.

I am really glad I’ve gotten to know him. Next time we’re in L.A., Robbye and I already have dinner plans with the Williams clan. Sweet!

That said, I wanted to find a way to make good on my promise to interview Karl for filmcatcher. Turns out, where there’s an Internet connection, there’s a way. Here’s an excerpt from the interview. I hope you enjoy it. We had a blast doing it.

– – – –

A Conversation with Karl Williams: Screenwriting Superhero

Hey, all. I finally made it happen! Karl Williams, AFF screenwriting hat tricker and about-to-be-produced writer, and I sat down for a little Google Chat action earlier today. We couldn’t make it happen in Austin, but thanks to the power of technology…

As you may have read, I had the honor of serving on two panels with Karl at this year’s Austin Film Festival Screenwriters’ Conference. He’s got such a great perspective on writing and on the undustry, I thought my fellow filmcatcherians should have the opportunity to benefit from his insight and wisdom beyond the walls of the Driskill Hotel.

That said, without further adieu, may I present a conversation with Karl Williams.

(note: about the photo–Karl and I on the “How to Get the Most Out of [Screenwriting] Competitions” panel at the 2007 Austin Film Festival Screenwriters’ Conference)
– – – – – – – – – –

Bill: Hi, Karl.

Karl: Hi Bill

Bill: Let’s begin our conversation with a little
background on Karl Williams. You’re a couple months away from
production on your first sold screenplay, PUNCTURED, right?

KwbtoluKarl: Allegedly! You’re never quite sure until someone
says “Action.” But we are tentatively scheduled for January 2008.
We will need to make that date or close to it, at least with
the cast we have currently signed…they won’t be available to do the
film much past that point. So that makes it a bit more “real” that it
will really film in Jan.

Bill: Can you tell us who your cast is?

Karl: Well, I can confirm Jonathan Silverman for the
lead and Eugene Levy for the “mentor” role – I think it’s okay to
reveal their involvement because they ended up on IMDB somehow.

Bill: Hah! I know how that goes. Was Jan. ’08 always the start
date? If not, can you talk a little bit about the proverbial journey
from script to set? How did you sell this script and what happened
after you sold it?

Karl: It’s been the sterotypical odyssey – I was
working with a producer on something else that almost got made (a TV
show) but it fell apart; he asked what else I had and liked this
script. He found a director with money, or at least a director who
knew people with money, and we were off and running. That was a year
ago, and January ’08 is our third start date. Although it’s more real
now since we have cast attached.
Although, as you know, cast changes can happen right up until about
the last possible minute…

Bill: Was the cast attachment the clincher to greenlight? In my
movie, RUNAWAY, the financier was always in place. But signing Aaron
Stanford, hot off TADPOLE & X-MEN, was the checkmark he required to
let loose the funds.

Karl: I think Eugene’s interest in the project helped us (he
is very well known and liked, obviously). My impression is that it helped
get Jonathan involved. Having an actor people have heard of is a
definite plus – your project just gets taken a bit more seriously by
anyone who considers it.

Bill: Absolutely.

Click here to read the rest of the interview at filmcatcher.com

No. Freaking. Way.

Holy Crap! Robbye, Zach and I just pulled in from Rob’s mom & extra-dad’s a few minutes ago. I am in desperate need to get some SagePRESENCE work done in preparation for the debut of our new event this coming Thursday. It’s gonna be a late night, and I was kinda tired sitting down in front of the old iBook at around 10:15 in the PM.

BoxofficeAnd then I looked at email. Second from the top was one from Randy Webb, a gent Robbye and I met at the Austin Film Festival & Conference. He had been asking if he could connect with me for 15 or 20 minutes while we were in Austin to do a little interview for a blog he was doing for boxoffice.com on his AFF experience. I said, heck yeah! But I kept zigging when he was zagging, and except for connecting for a beer at the Driskill, like, Friday or Saturday, we never did get that sit down.

I emailed him the day Robbye and I were heading home and told him that if he was still game, I would be happy to conduct the interview via email. He said, great, and we did that. Well, turns out the folks at Boxoffice really liked the interview…but it was too long for their blog thing, I guess. So…they decided to publish it as a stand-alone piece.
Billinterview
Way. Cool!

I don’t know what to say. I’ve never been interviewed before. So I guess all I will say is, Thanks, Randy Webb. You rock the Universe! And you are a gentleman and a scholar.

Click here to read the interview at boxoffice.com.

Things we find cleaning house

I had an unexpected burst of ambition yesterday. I suppose it was excess adrenaline from Friday’s mad dash to get materials off to a prospective agent for Saturday delivery. So much is bubbling up on the screenwriting front right now–all good–that it’s been a little crazy.

The result was that, while Robbye was at her jewelry party, I cleaned. And cleaned. I mean, not that the house was a terrible mess or anything. But a week away with no one paying attention to the dog fur that collects on the floors alone is enough to throw anyone over the edge. And it was stifling. I felt like we were wading through it.

After I put the main floor and the majority of the top floor back in shape, I just couldn’t quit. What the hell? I was on a roll, and Robbye was running errands. So I decided to tackle my office. Which was a terrible mess.

The last week or so before we left for Austin had been hard on my little office. During that time, I was pretty much a maniacal freak, and I could neither find nor keep track of anything. It sucked, and it was kind of unnerving. So I basically threw stuff around my office like a madman. That whole “looks like a tornado hit the place” thang? Yeah…I had it going on. Big time.

But now all of that is fixed. Everything is put in its place. Everything is wiped down, and I even Febreezed my chair. Yay!

And when I was putting away some files, something fell out. It was an unfinished stageplay I was working on–gawd!–way back in…1990? I don’t know. I think. No matter. A long time ago.

For those of you who don’t know, I have this thing about the painter, Renoir. He pretty much rocks in my book. He is my favorite artist, hands down. There are reasons for this, but I will not bore you with them now, as I am working really hard to keep these blog posts to a reasonable length. You know…under 3000 words.

Back in the day, though, I had just read a really cool book called RENOIR: AN INTIMATE RECORD by a gentleman named Ambroise Vollard. For those of you who are familiar with the Parisian art scene of the late-19th/early 20th Centuries, you recognize the name. He was arguably one of the most significant art dealers of his time and helped launch more than a few big-name artists during his career.

Yet, he was more than a mere dealer. He was simply in love with art. And artists. He was their biggest fan, their best partron, and, to many of them, their best friend. That certainly was the case with Renoir.

Vollard wrote other books, including one about Degas and even his own memoir. But none of them feels as tender and loving as the one about Renoir. Even though the book is pretty much just dictated conversations between the two men, you can absolutely sense Vollard’s affection for Renoir, who was quite old by then, his hands wracked with arthritis and confined to a wheelchair. But nonetheless alive. Quite alive.

I used to think a lot about Vollard and Renoir, and their great friendship. So one day, I decided to write a play about it, I guess. The idea behind it was to explore the chasm between the desire to be a great artist and the ability to actually become one. (No latent symbolism there, eh?) The story was centered around a fictitious series of encounters where Vollard engages Renoir to teach him how to paint, himself. The only problem is, of course, that Vollard can’t paint for shit.

Anyway, I got about 20 pages in and then quit. I don’t know why. Probably because…I don’t know. That was a dark time for me, particularly with respect to anything writing-related. Looking at it from this end of the telescope, I was probably scared more than anything else. Scared that I was Ambriose Vollard.

But I read it now, and I wonder why I was so afraid. I mean, it ain’t great, but then again, it was a first draft. Right? The five scenes I wrote all had a pretty good voice and a neat subtextual undercurrent. And a certain charm. I dunno. I can’t remember why I thought the state of writing affairs was as dismal as I did. Why I was so hard on that guy.

I hope one day I hope I can go back and work on this project again. I would like to finish it. Maybe even see it on stage. Perhaps next year, if I can get a little breathing room. Who knows?

Meanwhile, I thought I would share this. It’s a scene between Renoir and his wife, after one of Renoir’s sessions with Vollard. Thought y’all might get a kick out of it.

Click here to read it.

Okay…I gotta head back upstairs. Robbye’s wondering why the hell I’m writing at 4:00 in the morning and not cuddling her. Frankly, I am wondering the same damn thing. See ya.

All’s Quiet on the Midwestern Front

I posted this over at filmcatcher.com, but realized that it as (if not more) appropriately belongs here. So…here you go–

– – – – – – – – – –

It’s Saturday morning. Robbye and I just got done with morning coffee. She’s in the shower now, getting ready to go to a friend’s jewelry party.

And I am getting ready to write.

Cuppajoe1But as we were talking over coffee, a realization hit both of us. That the AFF this year has proven to be a turning point for me–for us. I don’t know what the difference is exactly. It seems to have something to do with a feeling of viability. Me feeling like I am viable and finally claiming my spot somewhere in the part of movies they call “the industry”.

So when I sit down and write today, “professional screenwriter” doesn’t feel like a suit that I put on over the “real” me. It feels like the real me. And when I talk about myself to other people, I have that same experience.

The other day, I was at a surprise b-day party for a friend of mine. Everyone who interacted with me that day said that something was different. Something intangible…an air about me. In fact, another friend made a point of emailing me later, saying, “The other day I just really noticed a sense of you having arrived.”

Turning a corner. And for the first time in over a year, more excited than afraid to see what lies around it.

Take a breath. Take a step.

The Runaway Screenwriter

Bzzzt..! Kshhhhh… Bzzzt!!!

We interrupt our irregularly scheduled programming for this important announcement.

FilmcatcherI have been asked by the new (and up-and-coming) indie film site, filmcatcher.com, to be a contributor and commentator. Cool! In particular, they’ve asked if I will chronicle my adventures as a panelist at this year’s Austin Film Festival and Screenwriters’ Conference. Way cool!

2007_logoEach day over the next seven days, I will be checking in via a blog set up on the filmcatcher.com website to talk about the experience and to post interviews with other panelists/participants on the craft, the events, and the hijinks.

Click here to read the The Runaway Screenwriter at filmcatcher.com!

See ya…

Poetry Slam

The past several days have been a whirlwind–and I ain’t even talkin’ about the whole driving to Fargo, getting ready for Robbye’s big debut (which went swimmingly, thank you very much), the friends’ wedding on Saturday, the visiting Grampa Lee on Sunday, and whatnot thang.

No…I am talking about my journey back to STAGGERFORD. For the purposes of fulfilling a lit. agency request to read the script, I revisited my old friends for the first time in about two years.

It’s been insane. In the past 3-4 days, I have completely deconstructed and reconstructed the thing, cut scenes, added scenes, rejiggered scenes, and hacked nearly 17 pages off the script. Yes…it was quite bloated. The result, however, is a working script that finally feels like a movie. Finally feels like I cracked the nut. At least, that’s the feedback I’m getting.

So…off it goes. Happy, happy.

But about the poetry. One of the additions to the script is V.O. poetry, ostensibly authored by the main character (who is probably a pretty good poet), really authored by me (who is probably a pretty lousy poet). It was the most fun part of the rewrite, though…taking some poetry I’d already written–for Robbye, for Pastor Herb Brokering, for a musical about the apostle Paul I will likely never write, for the hell of it–some things from this blog, and some crap right out of the air and crafting it into verse I thought might come out of this character’s head. It gave me a new understanding of Mr. Miles Pruitt.

All that said, here’s a sample. Thought you might enjoy it.

ODE TO THANATOPSIS
Once upon gazing
At the too glorious sky
Blinked I
A flash
An instant
Thence upon,
Left alone to gawk
Am I
At the sky too late
What has happened?
Why is there a hole
Where the sun used to be?

PARALLEL
If we could live in parallel
We might share a separate life together
Fabricate a home complete
A good roof, from the elements to protect
Accomodating walls, for our history to keep
Each room, by our mutual existence to adorn
Building to blessed increase
Toward faces beaming
Our finest yet to mingle
Preserving, rejoicing in
A life well-made
If we could live in parallel

AGING CASE
I ache to draw you close
Yet I know that’s not the man
You need me to be
As you, thus, step beyond my reach
I stand in my place
I give you room to spread your wings
Words I yearn to say
I stuff inside this aging case
It’s best this way
You probably know them all by now
By heart, anyway

THE MILKY COMING OF THE DAY
Last night
Sheets wet
With delirious stirring
A fever broke
And cast me into
A bottomless pool
Sinking
Look up
I heard
An Heavenly urging
First to stir
Again to labor
Finally to rise
My face
Broke the surface
Gulping open air
First to live
Again to breath
Finally to witness
The milky coming of the day

Okay…

Now, I need to head off for a run and take a shower. …And put on clean clothes–apparently, for the first time in three days (though I changed shirts yesterday…I think). I have been existing on another plane almost entirely and forgetting the basics of living on this plane…like eating and sleeping and hygiene. Robbye’s gentle nudging (not to mention my mounting B.O.) woke me up to this fact over coffee this morning.

Ikes.

Dear anonymous commenter,

I do not who know you are because you didn’t identify yourself. What’s up with that? Just so you know, I deleted your comment for that very reason. No offense. One piece of advice, anonynous..? If you’re gonna try to get through to me..? Have the respect to go through the front door. Please..?

That said, thank you for your comment, because it gives me an opportunity to set the record straight on a couple of things. Gives me a chance to tell the real story.

Here goes.

My family and I–all four of us–have been handed bigger challenges and bigger changes in the past few years than most people get in a lifetime. We have, one and all, met these challenges and changes to the best of our abilities. And every day we’re growing. Every day we’re working to come together. Every day we’re living and loving and walking our paths.

I am proud of all of us…beyond, beyond imagining. My wife, my daughter, my son…they are amazing people. Their capacity to love, to accept, to be resilient, to thrive in the face of adversity that would bury another person. It blows me away.

Every day we’re healing. And we’re figuring stuff out. And we’re putting the pieces of our collective life together…well, together. And that takes time. And effort. And it’s rarely pretty. And, by the way, the people who really know us and really love us..? They know this, and they are bursting with pride on our collective behalf.

And they support us. Which, I have to say, looks nothing like your rather abrasive comment. Ikes.

Put yourself in my shoes, anonymous. How would you like it if your life was public domain like mine has been? How would you like it if one day, through no fault of your own, through nothing you’ve done wrong, you completely lost control of it, and the only way you could keep anything together was through the charity of others? How would you like it if, though you sincerly appreciated everyone and everything, all you wanted was your life-your life, not anyone else’s–back. And how would you like it if, though everyone said they understood your need to get your life back, your every move was, nonetheless, under constant scrutiny? Well, it’s okay if he puts his life together, so long as he does this, this, and this…but not that, that, and that. Why doesn’t he listen to us? Certainly, we know what’s best for him.

I’m sure you’d hate it. I know I have, but for awhile I accepted it as coming with the territory–the path I was called to walk.

But there comes a time, wouldn’t you agree, when everyone–me included–deserves to strike out on a path of our own design?

My family…how we move forward together… How we walk, how we run, how we stumble, how we pick ourselves up again, is none of your damned business. It’s no one’s business, in fact, other than ours. And if I choose to share it–or parts of it–with you or anyone, that’s my call. Not yours. Or anyone’s.

Did you stop to think that, perhaps, stories about my daughter’s graduating and going off to college–though I am proud of her to the absolute extreme–are simply too pregnant with emotion for me to adequately comment? Or similar stories about my son? Did you think, perhaps, that I don’t share every aspect of my life because I am still processing it, and I have a complete right to do that? To talk about it at a time of my own choosing? When I am ready to do so?

Because this is my blog. This is my life. Not yours.

There are tons of stories–about my wife, my son, my daughter, my dogs & cats, my friends–that I could share, but I don’t. Sometimes because I am lazy. Sometime because I don’t have time. Sometimes because they are personal. Sometimes because they are special..they’re my stories, and I wanna keep them to myself. And that, too, is my call.

And, by the way, what’s wrong with talking about my wife, whom I love ferociously, till I’m freakin’ blue in the face, if that’s what I wanna do? It took me 40 years to find her. I’m a little excited. Wouldn’t you be, too? Moreover, in a world where half of first marriages and up to 70% of second marriages end in divorce, don’t you think it’s a good thing for me and our kids that I spend all the time, energy, and effort toward it I can? Makes sense to me.

Judge me if you will. That’s up to you. If I am about to stumble, feel free to point out the pitfall. I really appreciate it when people do that for me, as I know they appreciate it when I do it for them. But this anonymous thing..? As an old boss of mine used to say, “That don’t feed the bulldog.”

At least I have the courage to live and love, to fall and rise, out loud and in the open, and I make no apologies for that. Ever. Because I am all about living the ordinary life in the unordinary way.

It is, I firmly believe, the only way to fly.