Thankfully. Take my craaaazy mind off all this other stuff. I am, as you might have noticed, one of those guys who tends to think himself into jail if left to my own devices too long.

Today, it’s ushering at church for the 9:45 and 11:00 services. Yes, I will have to talk about RB stuff to my fellow parishioners, but the conversation will be tempered because I will be busy getting the place set up (and re-set between services), making certain I have servers (always a scare…must check before service starts. Trust me…), etc., etc., etc.

After that, it’s getting my darling daughter ready to go on tour tomorrow. Every year, our high school church choir performs JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT, and every year they take their show on the road to some far off and (usually) exciting place in the the US. This year, they’re going to visit the Rocky Mountains and perform around the Denver/Boulder area. Fun!Fun!Fun, huh? So…if you’re in the Boulder area, let me know! I’ll hook ya up.

This year is extra special for Syd because she has the trademark “really big part”. She sings most of the narrator’s part. She’s pretty psyched to get our there and strut her stuff. She is feeling so much more confident in her abilities since her and Action Jackson have been doing voice lessons together.

Anyway…today’s all about laundry. And, likely, some about mowing. And definitely a little about grocery shopping (can you say “no food in the house?” Don’t worry…we can). Now that the hubub is subsiding a little, it will feel good to get back to this more “regular” stuff.

Well, I gotta run! Hop into the shower and get ready for church! Time’s a wastin’, and there ain’t no shortage of things to do today! Come on, come on! Up off that recliner! Let’s go!

So…though the past few days haven’t exactly been a nonstop par-tay, they have been quite festive. Moments of revelry, courtesy of my loving circle of friends who want to be congratulatory.

Fifteen minutes ago, however, I am sitting in my neighbors’ living room (a.k.a., “the den of sin”…I’ll explain another day) and just finished my fourth beer for the evening. I am about to get up and head home. Suddenly, I realize something.

All this celebration, and I’m not at the finish line yet. Basically, I’ve been whooping it up just because I got on the playing field! It’s a wonderful but sobering thought. Brings me back to a bit of poetry I posted a while ago:

So far to go
So good to be traveling

But…it’s still sobering. Turns out, there really is only one way to do something. You gotta do it. The thing that I have to do know is be TRUE to my word…to myself, to my friends and colleagues, to the world, to God.

Wow. I just wrote that expecting that I would be frightened by it. I am not, though. I am excited by it. So much to do. So much I may GET to do. I’m pretty fortunate. …And grateful.

Anyway, this probably reads like I’ve had a few. Time to go to bed.

I apologize to the people who know me that I haven’t been able to get to yet with this news. It is, however, ten till six in the morning, and I just can’t sleep. This blog entry has been playing on my mind incessantly over the past three hours, and I finally just got up about an hour ago (sent a few e-mails, upgraded iTunes, etc.) to get this off my chest.

I tried to do this last night, but the fine food, the martini, and the pinot noir were far too effectively working their magic. I could no more hit the enter button than I could build a Saturn V rocket. It didn’t take much for Lynn to convince me to “back away from the computer, sir.”

So…here is the news that I have been threatening you with for tha past few weeks. Are you ready?

For those of you who are not familiar with this term (i.e., must not have HBO, eh?), it means that the project is now fully funded and ready to go into production. Our producers called me yesterday at 2:30 in the afternoon to deliver the news. The call was pretty much a bunch of hooting and hollering, but I believe that’s the basic gist of what the call was about.

There is still much to be decided and worked out, but the producers tell me that they’re targeting to shoot the movie in August around the New York area. Yikes! Which means…guess where I will be spending MY August?!? Also, Debi and I will likely be flying to NYC for a few days (or more) for meetings with the producers, director, and cast (Oh, yeah! I can’t forget about that!) to read over the script and talk through changes. In the meantime, I have been given marching orders to re-read the script (I haven’t even glanced at the thing for 6-9 months) and start thinking about potential changes I would like to make and also to “age up” the Michael character a bit… Why age him up, you ask?

Well…that’s the other cool part. I can’t name names quite yet because things aren’t exactly set in stone yet, but we have, it seems, made offers to two “big name” actors to play Michael and the female lead, Carly. So far, prospects seem to look pretty good, but we’ll see. Anyway…the guy who will probably play Michael is a little older than we had anticipated the actor being, and he’s not entirely comfortable with playing a 17 year old. Which is fine…we purposely wrote the script to be flexible, so…tap, tap, tap I will go. Anyway, more on the actor front as it develops (probably over the next couple of weeks).

Okay…I am exhausted just writing this far. Must…stop…getting…tired…….

First Lynn’s chemo news, then the meeting Wed., now this. Lord, please…give it a rest for today, at least. For now, I’m…ah…good, you know? I said it about a hundred times yesterday…if I have many more weeks like this, I am going to fall over dead of a coronary!

There are so many people to whom I owe this moment. I will do my best to get around to everyone, but to those of you who comprised the “village” that raised the particular “child” (you know who you are)…thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can only hope to somehow, someday repay the debt of gratitude I feel to each of you. Thanks for your patience and love and support. I love you, one and all.

We started the car. We revved it up. We backed it out of the driveway. And now we’ve officially put it in “drive”. I know this is only the beginning. I know that there are plenty of headaches and heartaches and bumpy roads ahead. But today…having the thing in “drive” feels pretty darned good. Wow. Wow…

If I have too many great weeks like this, I think I will probably shake apart!

FIRST — The best news… I am certain Lynn will post this on her CaringBridge site, but I will go ahead and announce here… SHE’S DONE WITH CHEMO! On Tuesday, she had a bit of a reaction to one of her chemo drugs while we were at the office. The nurses started scurrying around to make things all better, and she eventually settled down. Fifteen minutes later, her doctor popped in to take a peek, and did his stand with his feet squarely apart and holding his chin poses, which I have come to realize is the pose he strikes when his wheels are turning right before he makes some important decision. Sure enough…I was right.

“That’s it,” he said. His take was that she was only going to be on chemo for two more weeks, and both her tumor markers and her CTscan looked good. …And she FEELS BETTER! All that seems to add up to remission, so he felt comfortable about saving any trouble with respect to future reactions (which would get worse every time and could become life-threatening) and put her on her chemo holiday (which we hope is an indefinitie one) now.

Yikes! Needless to say, though Lynn is feeling the effects of this round of chemo as we speak, we are pretty damned excited.

SECOND — Had my meeting with my author hero yesterday. Will make a longer post about it after I get his reaction to the script and, and I can be a litle more forthcoming about things. I was, however, ruined for the entire day yesterday after our meeting. My extremities felt like jelly.

THIRD — I wish I could share with you the e-mail I just got from my producers for RUNAWAY BOYS. Again…jelly extremities. All good. The way things are going, I should be able to clue you in soon. If everything works out the way it looks like it’s going to, the news willbe worth waiting for.

Okay… Breeeeeeeath, Bill. Breeeeeeeeeeaaaaaattthhhhhhhh….

For those of you who remember, THE OFFICIAL PREPPY HANDBOOK defines the acronym “OOC” as “out of control.” Upon reflection over recent hours, I realize that’s how I am feeling. The emotional high and rush of adrenaline, which has been virtually non-stop for the past several days–getting the script ready, the chemo news, the chemo fallout, the meeting, the great RB news–is finally abating. Digging into mounds of laundry will do that to a guy, I guess.

Anyway, it’s a good thing because I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed. A little bit like I was hyper-ventilating and couldn’t stop. And there have been a couple of “Oh! I forgot about that” wake up calls today. All of which adds up to on thing: calm down and use your planner, Bill.

Hence, Bill closes out this post and opens his planner to June 10. Planning and solitude, baby. Planning and solitude…

In my e-mail this morning:

congratulations on finishing the script, Bill.  I  look forward to reading it..   How would wednesday morning work,say at eleven a.m?   if not then thursday morning would work as well.   i will be out of town on tuesday and friday.  i am at xxx , two doors from j.j.  as for the xxx reading, it is a very good idea, but you would have to clear that with xxx, for she’s putting together the day’s activities.

every good wish,

xxx
The message I sent back was…umm…not just yes, HELL YES!

My body trembles as I write this post. Not more than two hours ago, one of the three artistic heroes in my life invited me to his house, so I can hand him a copy of the script I adapted from his novel. How cool is that?

I am, to say the least, psyched beyond reason. I am also, I must admit, scared out of my freakin’ gourd! My worst fear: that I will get there, and the only thing I will be able to vomit forth is, “Meeeun-gunngh! Jeee-buzzz-mummm-gumm-shoooojoooo. Gnyech…gnawwwwwwwwww….”

This probably sounds psycho, but I have dreamed about this meeting. A number of times. Some of them go well, others…not so well. Fortunately, we have some context by which to become acquainted in person. Also, we’ve corresponded via e-mail a fair amount over recent months, so it’s not like we are utter and complete strangers, I suppose.

On a side note, the author has been terrific about asking after Lynn every time we correspond. He even mentioned that his wife and he check her CaringBridge journal from time to time. They have been very concerned about her and obviously keeping her in their thoughts…which I also think is exceedingly cool.

Anyway, so the guy is finally going to read it. Yikes! Once I get the official thumbs up from him, I will be able to stop being so secretive about what the book is and clue you all in (though I have, I suppose, left my share of clues here and there, if you have been paying attention).

It’s all very exciting. Today, it feels good to be me.

Today, I am beginning to feel the veil of funk lifting. Honestly, I don’t think I could have said that a couple of hours ago, but it’s a B-E-A-utiful day here. I biked up to my office, and opened up my planner to glance over yesterday’s to do list.

Smile.

I found more check marks next to tasks I had set for myself to complete than not. And the things that I needed to put off…there were valid reason for moving most of them forward. This morning, I got all the phone calls I needed to make done, I’m updating this blog, and then I will get some script stuff done in advance of a meeting with Debi tomorrow morning. At least I’m battinng over 500. That feels pretty good.

Wheeeeeeeewwwwwwww……. Breath, Bill. Breath. One foot in front of the other.

P.S. I know that I have been tauning you all with the promise of news on the RB front sometime soon. I apologize for the tease, but bear with me, folks. I hope in the next 2-3 weeks to have some really cool news. I promise to keep you posted.

I hate times like these. I try and I try to figure out why they happen, but I never can. It’s like a puzzle, with one key piece forever missing.

I know that I am in a funk. I can FEEL it. I know it specifically because it’s during these times that I want to avoid writing in this journal. And I get why. I mean, it’s not like I don’t contemplate journaling here. It’s simply that in times like these there’s SooOOoOo many things swirling around in my head and all of them seem to relate and inter-connect somehow. I try to break them down into bite-sized chunks, so I can at least COMMENT on them. Alas…no. Somehow, in times like these, I just can’t seem to get my choppers around any chunk of the proverbial elephant, and I can’t begin to fathom a way to carve the thing up into smaller pieces.

The one difference between this time and others, however, is that I think I have at least a CLUE as to why my head’s where it is right now (okay…insert smart alec joke response here, such as, “where..? In your *ss, Bill?” Ha, ha…Droll…very droll…). I think it comes mainly from three things…and when I tell you what they are, you’re all gonna go, “Uh…DOY!” And then I’m gonna go, “Well! I…uh…you know…just…uh…well, you know…” Then you’re gonna go all, “Whatever.” Then I’m gonna be, like, “Yeah…I know.”

Here they are:

1. I just finished a screenplay — I am beginning to see a pattern when I get done with big stuff like this. I suppose, on wone hand, it’s a little bit like giving birth. It’s all the pressure, pressure, pressure…then the pushing, pushing, pushing…then the EEEuuuuuuGGGGGHHNNNGGGGHHH!. Then it’s all the euphoria of being done and having this little miracle in your arms. Then it’s taking the thing home and realizing you gotta live you life again. And then…oh yeah…you always want to have another baby…but you wonder whether you’re ready to begin trying yet, if you catch my drift. So…no wonder you get a little twinge of post-partem depression and have some–to say the least–sort of adjustment period. A recalibration, if you will.

2. Lynn’s most recent cancer struggle seems to be coming to a close — while this is SuperFantasticRatFunkyMojolicious, at the same time, it presents an odd position for me. Umm…like…what do I do now with myself? It’s funny, when Lynn and I argue the most..? When she’s come off some profound health crisis, and now she’s feeling better and wanting to begin living life a little. “Umm… Yes, Honey. Thanks. But I can do it myself.” “Yeah, but…I already did it.” “Well, stop doing things for me.” “Uhh…”

And the space we’re in specifically a this moment is a real kicker. Because, see, I know a secret. Lynn is ready to take on SOME additional responsibilities, but probably not as many as she WANTS to right now. I know my wife. God bless her; her heart is in the right place. But (and, crap…I’m like this, too) her eyes are bigger than her stomach in this respect. I have to admit that as much as it frustrates the hell our of me sometimes, it’s also one of the things I love about her. She thinks big. She’s got vision. I like that. No…I LOVE that.

But I am walking something of a tightrope right now. I’m still doing most of the stuff around the house, etc. (well, as much as I can right now, considering my own fatigued state), but I sense that’s going to be changing soon. But it ain’t quite there yet. And the transition’s gonna be…delicate. It will need to be. So…I get in a little bit of a funk about it all because I don’t know exactly how to handle the whole thing.

Well…I do…but it’s hard. I know I handle it with patience and love. I know. I know. Me. Patience. Heh.

3. The world is my oyster — Due to circumstances beyond my control, this screeplay isn’t getting buttoned up to ship off to the H’wood powers that be (and who will inevitably offer me the standard “Rich and Famous” contract toot sweet, I am absolutely certain) as quickly as I would like (go figure). And RB, though I hope to have some cool news about it soon, still ain’t quite percolated yer. In the meantime, I am trying to figure out what my work life looks like without, well, working. Okay…really I mean without needing to return to the workaday world, per se. I’ve been reading this book called “Making a Living Without a Job,” and it’s been helping. I still find myself struggling to stay organized and productive, though, without the external structure of a “real” job. I believe that I will lick it, but it gets a little scary sometimes…daunting even. And it also makes my head spin.

Then there’s a fourth thing…

4. The World — Yep…Capital “W” and everything. For years, I would characterize myself as being on the outside looking in when it came to this world. And when I say that, I mean it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve committed those very words to paper. I don’t know where I thought I was living, but it sure wasn’t “here.” And I lived like it. And I despised this world. Then one day, something happened, and I found myself smack dab in the center of some great epiphany.

I DID live here…in this world. I was part of the human race, whether I liked it or not. And then I realized something further. Know what..? I liked it. It felt comforting. Comforting to not be some separate being distanced from the muck and the mess and the stuff of this world, but right in the thick of it. I realized that I wasn’t so different from everyone else…and for the first time in my life, I began to revel in that knowledge, as opposed to shuddering at it as I had in the past. I was Neo, waking up in the real world, and it blew my mind.

…And it still does. I struggle on a daily basis to perceive the workings of this world. To make some sense of it all…at least in terms of how I can apply myself in it in the most meaningful way possible.

Truthfully, I can’t quite get lay my hends on it. I can’t even understand parts of it, unless they’re so small they’re like specks of dust in comparison to the whole. Crap…even smaller. Like molecules…or atoms…or freakin’ quarks. And that leaves SO MANY individual pieces to examine and get! And then to figure out how the whole thing fits together and functions? Yikes! By the time I get to that point, I throw up my hands and thank God above that He invented faith, because that’s where that comes into play for me. At that point, I have to just stop worrying about it and have faith it all works and that I’ll understand what I need to understand when I need to understand it. And I let the rest go.

But it’s not easy…to let go. And I still spend a considerablt amount of time churning it around in my mind in hopes that it will set in my mind. So far, all I’ve yielded it a lot of heavy cream that eventually begins to curdle. By that time, I just gotta dump it out and start churning a new batch. But that damned churning…

What’s it all add up to? I don’t know. Now I’ve used this blog for it’s right purpose, though. I’ve dumped it all here, and that is, as they say, “right and salutary.” I leave the spin here, and have faith that I will do the things I need to do when I need to do them, and that these things will be revealed to me when the time is right for them to be revealed. And I have faith that, though He never said it would be easy, he did say it would be worth it.

…And every day I will continue to use my planner.

…And every day I will continue to walk the path.

…And every day I will continue to cherish the journey.

If I do that, perhaps this brew will turn out to be not so strange after all, eh?

–Okay, now…may, uh…the, like, Lord bless you and keep you.

–Uh, yeah…and kinda shine His light down on top of you, too, eh?

–Good one, eh?

–Thanks. And I guess He should probably give you peace.

–And a beer, eh?

–Knock it off, man! That’s, like, hairspray.

–Like what?

–Or is it Balsphoney?

–Like, whadd’re you talkin’ about?

–Like it ain’t good to talk about beer and God in, like, the same time.

–Well, He invented beer.

–Take off!

–No way, you hoser. He did.

–Wow, eh?

–Yeah…like, amen.

–I’ll drink to that.

Later…