Note to Self

Dear Self,

A word of advice: next time you have a notion to melodramatically wax on, wax off, instead.

You may not realize it, but at least three of your friends called you yesterday concerned that you might be falling over the edge because of your posting yesterday. I, of course, being the more sensible and lucid one living here in this so-called mind of yours, once again played my role of clean-up guy and peacekeeper. I assured each panicked friend that all is well, and that they didn’t need to buy any black suits or dresses on our behalf just yet.

You see, self, you’re not alone anymore. The words you put out here in the electronic ether don’t suddenly dissolve once you click “post.” They stay intact, and other people access them and read them and are affected by them. You know about this because we’ve talked about it before. Not only that, but the people who are reading these words care about you, and they are bound to be shaken when you make posts like the one you made yesterday without tacking on a more upbeat ending, or at least some sort of disclaimer at the end.

I’m not certain I get you, self. What do you think journal is, your own private digital Idaho? Do you think that you can use this forum so wantonly? To simply express your “deep” thoughts when ever you want and selfishly engage in such utterly cathartic acts like getting things off you chest? WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS JOURNAL IS HERE FOR, SELF?!?

Oh…well, I guess you might have a point there. Upon further examination, I see that you, reckless soul that you are, put a statement in your bio that indicates this site may be used for purposes of revealing self. I understand that this type of activity might include posting things that are potentially controversial or disturbing from time-to-time. I also get that—toward this end—not every post can end on an upbeat note or provide “closure” for your readers.

It is unfortunate, but in all of these arguments you are 100% correct (I do, by the way, hate it when you’re right).

I further understand, however, that people love you and are concerned about you…especially during this very difficult time in your life and the life of your family. There will be times when they read things you write, and they will be concerned…sometimes very concerned. They might even feel the need to reach out to you at these times.

This is, of course, wonderful because it means that you don’t have to bear the burdens in your life by yourself. Other people are willing to share the load with you. This, in itself, is terrific, and I hope you know—TRUE-ly know—how fortunate you are to have something like that in your life. That, and I am certain it also boils down to that age-old African adage, “It takes a village to raise a Bill.”

All right, self, in the end, I guess there’s nothing wrong here. Go about your business. Post whatever you want. Be wild and free like the wind! Swishhhhh! But just keep these words from your sensible side in the back of your mind when you’re writing in this journal, okay? Be wild, but not careless. Be free, but at least marginally mindful that others are reading this little “TRUE LIFE” thing of yours. And in the end, your goal is to inspire them, not to scare them half to death.

Otherwise, just to let you know, self, your day yesterday went just fine. You really enjoyed spending time with your wife yesterday. The two of you had an opportunity to get out of the house for a little while together and have a relaxed and enjoyable time together—something you haven’t had in awhile. In the end, you were really glad that you took the time.

Also, you did just fine re-packing the wick thing in her “bullet hole” wound. It was a little difficult at first. You felt a little squeamish, but you sucked it up like a man and did it, anyway. Way to go, self!

Last night, you had a very fun and inspirational time with your new friend, Doug Wenzel. You went out and had a very nice dinner at Tejas, then you went to see the movie PIECES OF APRIL afterward (you also, by the way, posted a review of the movie in “Exhibit M(ovies)” on this page). You gave Doug some well-received feedback on his screenplay, FIRMAMENT, and you are confident that subsequent drafts are going to yield a terrific piece of work eventually.

Oh! And by the way, you actually got an e-mail yesterday from the writer whose book you’re adapting. It was like you had won the lottery. The only person in the world you might have been more excited to get a message from is probably Elvis Costello, but you don’t want to adapt any of his books (what books?). He was very gracious in his message, and it looks like you really do have a green light to move ahead! Wow…

You handled it pretty well, too. You regained the ability to speak coherently within 15-20 minutes, and you avoided the unsightly incontinence problems you’ve had in the past when situations like this arise. Lynn was very proud and even more relieved.

All in all, self, yesterday was a good day.

Now, self, it is nearly 7:30 in the morning. You have been at this for quite some time now. Stop typing, get your butt up off the chair, drive your kid to school, and get ready for work. Today is another day and another opportunity for living. Live it well.

All the Best,
Yourself

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