No smart-alec post or witty repartee here, folks. Just two VERY IMPORTANT things…

1. On Monday, December 8, there is a reception for my beautiful wife, Lynn, to celebrate her safe return from Shanghai, China. As many of you know, she went over there for 2 1/2 weeks recently to study chilel qi’gong with–I don’t know–grand masters, I guess? They also did a lot of “chi healing” for her, too. Anyway, she will be there to talk about it, we will take a look at the pictures from over there, and talk a little qi’gong (we’re actually trying to get a speaker to come in). We will also be recruiting people to walk with us next September in the 3Day Cancer Walk and be asking for generous donations (our team goal is $25,000! We can’t make it without you!). Finally, there will be drinks and cookies! How can you beat that! And ALL OF THIS FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE! What an evening. I believe it’s at 6 p.m at St. Stephen Lutheran Church in Bloomington. Visit Lynn’s website, Lynn’s website for more information. Please join us, and bring friends! The more the merrier.

2. Speaking of the 3Day walk… I am going to ask all of you know to do one or two things. PLEASE reach into your wallets, grab out your credit cards, and go to my 3Day web page. Make a donation today. It’s for a great cause, and the Susan G. Komen Foundation is the real deal. Also, I would encourage you to tell your fiends and family to donate, too. AND CONSIDER WALKING, YOURSELF! THE MORE PEOPLE, THE MORE ENERGY AND FUN! Sign up to walk, and then roll up your sleeves and help us meet our goal of raising $25,000 for breast cancer research!

(BTW — Can you tell I figured out how to format my posts now? 😉 )

Thanks again to everyone for your terrific support over the past weeks. We couldn’t have done it without you!

Dear Self,

A word of advice: next time you have a notion to melodramatically wax on, wax off, instead.

You may not realize it, but at least three of your friends called you yesterday concerned that you might be falling over the edge because of your posting yesterday. I, of course, being the more sensible and lucid one living here in this so-called mind of yours, once again played my role of clean-up guy and peacekeeper. I assured each panicked friend that all is well, and that they didn’t need to buy any black suits or dresses on our behalf just yet.

You see, self, you’re not alone anymore. The words you put out here in the electronic ether don’t suddenly dissolve once you click “post.” They stay intact, and other people access them and read them and are affected by them. You know about this because we’ve talked about it before. Not only that, but the people who are reading these words care about you, and they are bound to be shaken when you make posts like the one you made yesterday without tacking on a more upbeat ending, or at least some sort of disclaimer at the end.

I’m not certain I get you, self. What do you think journal is, your own private digital Idaho? Do you think that you can use this forum so wantonly? To simply express your “deep” thoughts when ever you want and selfishly engage in such utterly cathartic acts like getting things off you chest? WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS JOURNAL IS HERE FOR, SELF?!?

Oh…well, I guess you might have a point there. Upon further examination, I see that you, reckless soul that you are, put a statement in your bio that indicates this site may be used for purposes of revealing self. I understand that this type of activity might include posting things that are potentially controversial or disturbing from time-to-time. I also get that—toward this end—not every post can end on an upbeat note or provide “closure” for your readers.

It is unfortunate, but in all of these arguments you are 100% correct (I do, by the way, hate it when you’re right).

I further understand, however, that people love you and are concerned about you…especially during this very difficult time in your life and the life of your family. There will be times when they read things you write, and they will be concerned…sometimes very concerned. They might even feel the need to reach out to you at these times.

This is, of course, wonderful because it means that you don’t have to bear the burdens in your life by yourself. Other people are willing to share the load with you. This, in itself, is terrific, and I hope you know—TRUE-ly know—how fortunate you are to have something like that in your life. That, and I am certain it also boils down to that age-old African adage, “It takes a village to raise a Bill.”

All right, self, in the end, I guess there’s nothing wrong here. Go about your business. Post whatever you want. Be wild and free like the wind! Swishhhhh! But just keep these words from your sensible side in the back of your mind when you’re writing in this journal, okay? Be wild, but not careless. Be free, but at least marginally mindful that others are reading this little “TRUE LIFE” thing of yours. And in the end, your goal is to inspire them, not to scare them half to death.

Otherwise, just to let you know, self, your day yesterday went just fine. You really enjoyed spending time with your wife yesterday. The two of you had an opportunity to get out of the house for a little while together and have a relaxed and enjoyable time together—something you haven’t had in awhile. In the end, you were really glad that you took the time.

Also, you did just fine re-packing the wick thing in her “bullet hole” wound. It was a little difficult at first. You felt a little squeamish, but you sucked it up like a man and did it, anyway. Way to go, self!

Last night, you had a very fun and inspirational time with your new friend, Doug Wenzel. You went out and had a very nice dinner at Tejas, then you went to see the movie PIECES OF APRIL afterward (you also, by the way, posted a review of the movie in “Exhibit M(ovies)” on this page). You gave Doug some well-received feedback on his screenplay, FIRMAMENT, and you are confident that subsequent drafts are going to yield a terrific piece of work eventually.

Oh! And by the way, you actually got an e-mail yesterday from the writer whose book you’re adapting. It was like you had won the lottery. The only person in the world you might have been more excited to get a message from is probably Elvis Costello, but you don’t want to adapt any of his books (what books?). He was very gracious in his message, and it looks like you really do have a green light to move ahead! Wow…

You handled it pretty well, too. You regained the ability to speak coherently within 15-20 minutes, and you avoided the unsightly incontinence problems you’ve had in the past when situations like this arise. Lynn was very proud and even more relieved.

All in all, self, yesterday was a good day.

Now, self, it is nearly 7:30 in the morning. You have been at this for quite some time now. Stop typing, get your butt up off the chair, drive your kid to school, and get ready for work. Today is another day and another opportunity for living. Live it well.

All the Best,
Yourself

Yesterday was a hard day.

This doesn’t happen so much any more, but when I was a kid I used to have that type of dream where I was running away from something. I would have these dreams pretty frequently—at least once or twice a week that I can remember—and I would always wake up sweating and panicked afterwards.

The dreams were all basically the same scenario, although the settings and characters (including who I was) would change from time to time. In a nutshell, it was me running—or trying to run—with some monstrous thing hot on my tail. My heart would pound in my ears, and I could actually taste the salt from the perspiration that was flowing freely from my hair and forehead, down my cheeks and into my mouth. I was always screaming.

It sounds like your garden-variety dream, I know. The difference for me, though, was that I could never run fast enough in these dreams to get away. Not that the monsters were so fast, mind you. Rather, it was me that was so slow.

I knew how fast I could run. I was no speed demon in waking life, but I was fast enough to leave a big, lumbering monster in the dust. Yet for some reason, when I tried to make my legs go, they would suddenly feel like some strange conglomeration between rubber and concrete. I would try to pump them, but all I could manage was some slow motion kind of thing, where my legs would feel weaker and weaker with each plodding step. Eventually, I would simply collapse and not be able to get back up again.

It never took very long in these dreams. The monster always caught up with me. My mind was always kind enough to wake me up before the really horrible part, but not kind enough to spare me everything. Just before opening my eyes, I would feel it upon me, its teeth or claws or whatnot scratching or scraping or boring in to me. Every time, it felt like what I imagine it must feel like to be stabbed with a red-hot poker. My whole being would cry out, but it was helpless to do anything about it. I would simply lay there in agony and get devoured.

Then I would awaken.

Yesterday we went to Lynn’s doctor’s office on an urgent basis.

Turns out one of the incisions from her “chest thing” (I can never remember that they really called it…”pleuradesis?”) has gotten pretty infected, so they needed to pack it was some kind of gauze-like wick thing to draw junk out of it while it heals. I swear, when the nurse practitioner cleaned the thing out, it looked like a bullet hole. It was that deep—like a little cavern set in the back of her torso. And lucky me, I get to change her dressing and poke a new little wick inside there today sometime. If I can only keep from fainting..!

The infection, however, will heal. They got her on some pretty strong antibiotics, so that’s not really the problem.

The problem is chemotherapy. It looks like things are quickly going south. There have been some strange things occurring for her physically, which indicate her liver functionality is beginning to be somewhat impaired. She has, in fact, gotten a little spooked by it. So…she asked that they begin chemo as quickly as possible. At the moment (and depending on how well she recovers from the infection), it looks like it’s going to begin next week.

I know we will make it. I do. I can’t help but feeling, though, that the monster is once for on my tail. Only this time I am awake, and what will happen when it finally descends upon me? There will be no waking relief.

Sorry this post is such a downer. It’s just how I feel this morning. I took the day off, so I could be with Lynn and help her out today. And so I could clean the damned house. And so I could just rest and not worry about stuff today.

God, I am glad I am taking some time off.

An odd day. I got to work, turned on my computer, opened up my e-mail, and started to work on a memo that I really needed to get done last Friday. What did I do next? Promptly stared at my computer screen for the next 7 hours, that’s what I did. The writing is on the wall, I know when to say uncle.

I finally made overtures to take some time off over the coming weeks. As such (and assuming everything is approved), I will be taking a six week leave beginning next Monday, January 8. It will be really nice. I need time to get back on my feet, and I really want to spend some quality time with Lynn right now. Also, she needs me here on a more full time basis to help care for her and care for our home. And I also really want to make this a REALLY memorable Christmas for the kids.

Man…it sounds like I am trying to sell someone, huh? I don’t know. It still bothers me a little that I am doing this. It will take money from savings, how will it look to the blah, blah, blah… It’s not simply that I want this time, however, I believe I really NEED this time. I have pushed myself far enough over recent weeks, months, years. Even the great Bill-dini needs a break every now and then, I guess.

So…there it is. And, of course, I am hoping that this allows me some time to write. Perhaps get a ways on the adaptation? Who knows. I would kill to walk out of January with at least a draft, though. Know what I mean?

I am still caught in the space in between, and I can’t seem to quite get out of it yet.

Anyway, that’s all I got for tonight, folks. On the more technical side, however, there are a couple of really cool developments.

First-My eBusiness department (i.e., Tim Canfield…THANKS! YOU DA MAN! …And yes…I am buying your wife soup tomorrow) set up web domain forwarding for me, so when you type http://www.billtrue.net in your browser, you automatically come here. That means that until further notice, I guess this is the home page for billtrue.net. Cool, huh?

Second-I posted a few writing works of mine. People have been asking me about it, so I thought I would oblige. It’s all short stuff, so they’re pretty fast reads. And, no…I didn’t post RUNAWAY BOYS. Sorry…you’ll have to wait for the movie now.

Falling or soaring

Rendered insignificant
For Heaven has strung
Beyond the mortal coil
An invisible thread

Chance from destiny
Misery from bliss
Perfectly divided
By virtue of this thin line
Upon which we dance

—–

I wrote the first draft of this poem about three years ago. It was, a that time, a virtual tome. I believe it topped out at about three pages. It was utterly and completely incomprehesible.

Anyway, I’ve been transferring files over from our iMac to my iBook, and I came across it. I decided to sit down for a few minutes and plunk around with it. Upon revisiting it, I realized that the only problem was that there were about 1200 too many words! “It’s not a story, dummy!” I told myself, “It’s metaphorical imagery.” All that matters in the end is that the reader gets the image.

So I decided to take another whack at it. And, boy, did I whack! It is a perfect example of how often less is TRUE-ly more. I am interested to see whether it makes sense to any of you.

—–

PHOTO ALERT! I added two new pics to my photo album. A great headshot of Lynn and a photo of Action Jackson. Enjoy.

—–

Today I finally got the damned fence up in the back yard, so Elvis stops jumping into the neighbor’s yard. It’s a temporary affair, and it don’t look too pretty. I am hoping it makes life a lot easier, though, and helps put an end to his relieving himself in the basement. Ack!

Otherwise, it’s been a pretty low key day here. Lynn has been very tired today. I can’t blame her. The past few days have been so busy, I’m tuckered. Considering her condition, I can’t imagine how tired she must feel.

Speaking of being tired…I am going to cut this short today. I still have to read a script and repond to a questionaire that another screenwriter friend sent to me. Also, gotta get ready for life to start up again tomorrow. I think tomorrow’s going to be a big day, too…Will likely talk about it in the next few days here.

Talk to you later.

—–

YET…THIS JUST IN!

Check this out: http://www.startribune.com/stories/484/4240826.html

I was just taking a peek, when I came across this story. It’s a list of “common” quotes attributed to Abraham Lincoln, but apparently he never actualy said. How odd. I thought the most humorous one was the one attributed to the guy who played him on “Star Trek.”

Okay…but he really did say, “Be excellent to each other…and PARTY ON, DUDES!” …Right?

Okay…I couldn’t sleep last night, so I got up at like 3:30 this morning and added the beginnings of a photo album and type lists to my journal.

The photos are pretty much just a hodge-podge. The lists are albums I’m listening to (how original!). The other two, however, are movies (complete with quick reviews) that I’ve watched lately, and then the movies I am planning to watch in the next couple of weeks. My hope is that people can use the reviews to choose wisely when casting their financial vote at the box office.

Yes, yes…I know that the movie lists are in the form of music lists. I am, however, still too stupid to do it any other way for now. Why didn’t these people think to pre-format a MOVIE list?!? Oh well, they will be educated some day.

Not certain how well I am going to be able to keep up the lists, but we’ll see. I will make it a priority to do so. For now, just enjoy (and hopefully use).

Running up to Cambridge again today. I am sure there will be a lot to write about tonight/tomorrow. See ya!

Today is the time in Shakespeare’s “Henry V”…the night before the battle.

Today is a slow motion montage where the main character ponders and waits.

Today is the minutes between waking and actually opening your eyes.

Today is a train rolling through gentle fields and towns, unfamiliar and yet familiar all at the same time, en route, but not yet having arrived.

Today is the waiting for a loved one and checking your watch, only to realize your hour means but five minutes in real time.

Today is a knot, a tangle, unresolved, but left for another day’s work.
—–

I both love and hate days like today. They’re a “real” day, yet not. The world, yet technically awake and functioning, really isn’t. It’s a day where people keep score, but, for the most part, look away when one is asleep in the middle of a play….most of the time. Not all the time, though.

I love the momentary respite, but I have a problem with the underlying feeling that I really should be DOING something on days like today. “Adding value,” perhaps? Ick… I love to have fun on these days, but the repose is short and time distorts in a really strange and (for me) uncomfortable fashion.

Take this hour. It is 10:06 where I am right now. I am planning to leave work at noon to head out to a couple of movies and play some games with the family and Action Jackson. The passage of the time between now and then will feel as long as a year. Yet, at 10:06 tonight, I will have felt as if I have blinked, and I will wish for a “do over” because I don’t feel “rested” at all. Am I the only one who feels that way? Do those nice gentlemen in white coats need to fit me in that interesting jacket again?

—–

We had a really nice day yesterday. We went up to Cambridge and had dinner with Corky, Stacy, Stacy’s sister, Darcy, and her husband, Trevor. (that sentence was a cornucopia of commas…you should feel fortunate!) The company was great…we always have fun together. A lot of joking and horseplay, which is always a good diversion for me. And, I have to say, I ate what is probably the singularly best Thanksgiving dinners I have ever eaten.

I don’t even know how it worked out that way! By all means, it shouldn’t have. I made my garlic mashed potatoes, but I did it something like four hours before we ate and lugged them up to Cambridge in the back of the Jeep. I did the same thing with the yams, but I actually make the soufle up there. But I did it in such a hurried and extemporaneous and hurried manner as soon as we arrived (I had no idea just how much mashed up yams I had…the recipe called for 3 cups, and I guessed that I had about 1.75 times that amount), I thought the soufle would, well…suck. Finally, Stacy roasted her turkey in a manner that was completely foreign to me.

We sat down, and I was prepared to be underwhelmed. Instead, I was blown away. Man, it was good. High fives all the way around.

I did not, of course, get a chance to start re-reading my book (for the adaptation). I’m not certain when that’s going to happen. I promised a new screenwriter friend (he’s new to me and a new screenwriter) that I would read and critique his script this weekend, and I need to make good on that promise. Oh well, I will get to it in good time.

I DO, however, need to get a card for Jim and the author today. That CANNOT drop.

Must get to something today, so I will sign off. BTW — Lynn had a good time yesterday, too. I am still concerned about her. Her nausea is starting to come back, she has a wicked cough, and she’s tired a lot. I am still, however, not able to completely differentiate what’s jet lag and what’s related to cancer. I am keeping my eye on it over the next few days, though. It will be interesting what happens over the next three weeks in the space in between the appointment we had with her nurse practitioner and the appointment (and CT scan) we have scheduled on December 16 with her actual doctor. It will be even MORE interesting, of course, to see what result the scan yields and hear what the doctor suggests.

Hmmm….

Today is the space in between lovers: trembling, ardent, flush, and glowing…the moment before they kiss for the first time.

Talk to you later…

I was going to say that it’s all quite here in Casa de TRUE, but that’s now not the case. When I padded down here and plopped my butt in this chair, I was the only human awake in the house. Now, of course, Zach is awake because Elvis has a barking fit and woke him up. For some reason, he wants to be out in the kitchen reading olds Entertainment Weekly magazines while I sit in here and write. Huh..?

What an amazing thing this life is, wouldn’t you say? It’s painful and amazing and beautiful all at the same time, how it can jerk you this way and that way…up and down…”thither and yon” all in the course of a single day. And in the end, it’s always that magic thing called “attitude” that saves or slays you.

After I got done doing my “That Sucking Sound…” post, I decided that I needed to break out of my doldrums, and the only person that was going to do it was good ol’ me. I decided one thing that I could do is send out a couple of e-mails to the guys at Filberts Steps, to Tim McCann (our director), and to Craig Rice at the MN Film Board for all of their help in getting RUNAWAY BOYS as far as it’s gotten so far this year. I didn’t think that I would get any responses back because it was late in the afternoon, and I thought they would all be out of the office by that time. But most of them were still hacking away, like me, and I got some really great responses, especially from Al Klingenstein and Bernie DeLeo.

I am so glad that Al and I had the conversation we did last weekend. I honestly believe that, when the story is told about the making of RUNAWAY BOYS, that will be one of the pivotal–

Okay…Zach alert! He decided to NOT read EW in the kitchen, and now he’s sitting in here with me. He just asked the weirdest, cutest question: “Is is legal to use a blow dryer on a doggy?” HUH..? He’s playing with a blow dryer Lynn bought in China (it’s 220v, so we can’t use it here), flicking buttons, “shooting” things, spying at my through it like it was a spy glass. I ask him why, and he says, “Well, if we give him a bath, we should consider drying him with a blow dryer. It would go quicker.” Umm…good point. Then he suddenly pops up and says, “I’m going upstairs now.” Then he runs off.

God, I love that kid. If, by the end of my life, I can even half-understand how that amazing mind works, I will color myself lucky.

Anyway…I was writing that I believe the conversation will be regarded as one of the pivotal moments that TRUE-ly propelled it closer to actually getting made. Now all I have to do is talk to Debi. I haven’t been keeping her in the dark about it, but we really need to sit down and have a long, uninterrupted conversation. In order to get the movie made, things are going to need to evolve, and we’re both going to have to be on board with that in order for it to work. In the end, I am confident we can work through it, though. She is an awesome and understanding partner (and a fire-cracker all at the same time…one of those people you walk away and say, “I’m glad she’s on MY side). So, I am waiting for that time…hopefully this weekend we will be able to get together. I am going to try to call her on Saturday morning and arrange a breakfast.

I did call her last night about the book thing. Honestly, I am still shaking from the news. Oh, yeah…I didn’t finish my previous thought. Well, I had just gotten the responses from the Filbert Boys, etc., and I was starting to feel better. It feels good to tell someone else you’re thankful for him or her…take the focus off yourself and your own self-centered mental churning for a few moments.

My spirits were definitely picking up. Not more than five minutes later, I get a call from my friend, Jim, who tells me he’s leaving for California for amonth next Tuesday, but he wanted to call me before he left. We chat for about 15-20 minutes about stuff. He talks about how he’s more busy now being retired than he ever was when he was working. I talk about Lynn and, of course, movie stuff (he’s one of our biggest supporters).

He’s a friend of the book’s author (whom I have never met), and he has been trying to get me a meeting with the guy for about a year now (it’s just never happened because of shedules and procrastination…you know, the usual). At this time, by the way, you have to know that I WORSHIP this writer, and the book is one of three books on my list of things I want to adapt into movies (an exclusive group!). Anyway, Jim gets done telling me that the guy isn’t feeling very well these days, so he’s not really feeling up to visitors. Okay, I think, kind of bummed out but understanding. Then, Jim says that he posed the question about whether the author would let me adapt his book.

SAY WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

Gawd! I love that man! The great thing about Jim is he’s not only a great guy, but he’s extremely well-connected (because he loves people and loves to talk), and he’s not afraid to ask people anything.

So…he’s been apparently talking me up to the guy for over a year now–whether he’s seen anything I’ve writteb, though, I have no idea. Anyway, the author says, “Tell him to go ahead and write it. I look forward to reading it.”

Wow…

Tomorrow I am going to get a nice card for both Jim and the author. I am hoping that the author will be willing to correspond a little by e-mail (if face-to-faces are a concern for him now). I would like to thank him profusely, of course. I am hoping to get the permission a little more “documented”, too…mostly to make certain he knows that, even though I am going to write and develop the thing on spec (can you BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!?), I am going to take care of him in the end. Also, I know that I am going to have questions while I am putting things together. Anyway…I am getting ahead of myself.

Talk about stuff to be thankful for, huh? The guy didn’t need to do that. Hell, he doesn’t really even know me. You know what, though? It’s what I would do if I was in his position…and that’s the coolest thing of all. He really is a real and cool and genuine person, just as I always suspected.

And the best miracle of all yesterday? Lynn, the kids, Jackson, and I attended our pre-Thanksgiving service last night, and Lynn was just beaming. She had just gotten done qi-gonging, and her evergy was great. She felt and looked like a million bucks. Everyone flocked around her with loving and welcoming arms, and it was a sight-and-a-half to see. It’s good to have my sweetie home and feeling strong…for that I am truly grateful.

Well, this got a little longer than I envisioned. People are stirring now. I must go out and put up dog fence!

Take care, and have a great day, all.

Found this on aethele’s blog. Apparently, I TRUE-ly am hopeless…

Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis.

“You do not know the power of the Dark

Side.” There are two possibilities: you

are a Star Wars geek, or you are unreasoningly

scary.